Greetings!
People are often curious how I went from being an architect to being a mediator to now helping people feel empowered to make things in their life better. I tell them that it’s been an evolution from creating spaces for people to helping people create space for themselves in their life. And, doing so begins with creating boundaries that reflect one’s worth and what they are seeking in life and love.
Boundaries tell us and others just what we stand for and what we will not. Boundaries go both ways; they keep away unwanted behavior and let others know who we are. If your boundaries are too loose, your energy and time will be used for other’s purposes instead of your life and dreams. What makes for good boundaries? It starts with knowing who you are and what you do-and do not-want to be creating in your life.
People are often curious how I went from being an architect to being a mediator to now helping people feel empowered to make things in their life better. I tell them that it’s been an evolution from creating spaces for people to helping people create space for themselves in their life. And, doing so begins with creating boundaries that reflect one’s worth and what they are seeking in life and love.
Boundaries tell us and others just what we stand for and what we will not. Boundaries go both ways; they keep away unwanted behavior and let others know who we are. If your boundaries are too loose, your energy and time will be used for other’s purposes instead of your life and dreams. What makes for good boundaries? It starts with knowing who you are and what you do-and do not-want to be creating in your life.
I don’t think I’ve ever worked with a person who didn’t need better boundaries for realizing what they wanted to make better. Boundaries are essential for being happy in love, in your roles, and with yourself. Boundaries serve to help you architect the life you want to be living instead of feeling helpless or hopeless to move past childhood experiences and beliefs.
Having healthy boundaries doesn’t mean you become a fortress; being able to be vulnerable is essential for fulfilling relationships, both personal and professional. Ironically, being able to be vulnerable, learning to be OK with being human means being flawed, requires boundaries to be able to do so.
Having healthy boundaries doesn’t mean you become a fortress; being able to be vulnerable is essential for fulfilling relationships, both personal and professional. Ironically, being able to be vulnerable, learning to be OK with being human means being flawed, requires boundaries to be able to do so.
Mediators have a great saying; “you can’t enjoy what you say yes to in life unless you can first stand behind your no”. This means you need to be able to say no for creating and caring for what you do want in life. Being able to say no to other’s agendas for your time, your energy, your choices is foundational to being able to say yes to focusing your time, energy, and self on living what is truly important to you in life and in love.
One of the most important uses of your boundaries has to do with the critical voices we all have at times in our head. You know, that voice tells you there is something wrong with you, that says you don’t deserve what you want in life, that says you are lacking what is needed. The critical voice unchecked will erode your self-worth and self-confidence. Setting a boundary with your critical voice begins with recognizing where this voice has power with you, and then creating a pivot to an affirming voice.
Creating healthy and functioning boundaries is not engaging magical thinking nor being delusional about who you are and what life is. It is becoming confident in what matters to you and taking good care of that and yourself as a priority in your life. A confidence regardless of what others say or do, realized in part by becoming comfortable with your imperfections. It is not a confidence which needs to diminish others in order to maintain a sense of comfort and security-that’s narcissism. (I’ll talk more about this in my next newsletter).
Eleanor Roosevelt is credited with saying that we teach others how to treat us; if we don’t like how we’re being treated, the first person to deal with is ourself. If you have a relationship where you don’t like how you are being treated, take a look at what you are allowing and calling it being nice, or love, or not a big deal. This is evidence of better boundaries being needed on your part. And while it can be scary to think of standing up for yourself, doing so makes life SO much better and even, more fun.
One of the most important uses of your boundaries has to do with the critical voices we all have at times in our head. You know, that voice tells you there is something wrong with you, that says you don’t deserve what you want in life, that says you are lacking what is needed. The critical voice unchecked will erode your self-worth and self-confidence. Setting a boundary with your critical voice begins with recognizing where this voice has power with you, and then creating a pivot to an affirming voice.
Creating healthy and functioning boundaries is not engaging magical thinking nor being delusional about who you are and what life is. It is becoming confident in what matters to you and taking good care of that and yourself as a priority in your life. A confidence regardless of what others say or do, realized in part by becoming comfortable with your imperfections. It is not a confidence which needs to diminish others in order to maintain a sense of comfort and security-that’s narcissism. (I’ll talk more about this in my next newsletter).
Eleanor Roosevelt is credited with saying that we teach others how to treat us; if we don’t like how we’re being treated, the first person to deal with is ourself. If you have a relationship where you don’t like how you are being treated, take a look at what you are allowing and calling it being nice, or love, or not a big deal. This is evidence of better boundaries being needed on your part. And while it can be scary to think of standing up for yourself, doing so makes life SO much better and even, more fun.