Greetings!
My last newsletter brought emails asking me to explain how could someone not feel like a victim when someone did something that affected them badly. I’ll take that up today as well as at the end of today’s article, respond to the request from a few people about what sort of venues I offer for working with me.
Today’s article is about how the stories we tell ourself have as much-and sometimes more-power with us than what actually is so. Especially the story we tell ourself when someone does something we don’t like or goes against our desired outcome. Feeling powerless or disappointed or unpleasantly surprised can become a story of being done wrong to and having had no power with what happened. Which is rarely the case; at least the having no power part. And, taking responsibility for realizing what we want can be hard to do at times, especially when one is already struggling with how to shake hands with their power.
Yet stories can also uplift us and inspire us to take ahold of our courage, believe in our power and self, and even surprise ourself with what we then create. Such is the power of stories; they can inspire what we thought not possible and they can confirm our fears and pessimism about people and life. Guess what a critical difference in how life plays out for us? Yup, how the storyteller-you-tells the story of what happens and your power in it.
You may have heard the saying “are you a glass half empty kinda of person or a glass half full person”? It’s related to the saying “do you believe that life is out to get you or do you believe life is conspiring on your behalf?” Both put forth how we make choices based on how we interpret what happens in our life based in large part on beliefs we often don’t even know we have. The discovery and updating of the beliefs driving how a person interprets what happens in their life is a key part of the work I do with people seeking to make something better in their life. For the beliefs we have about ourself and life very much color the stories we tell about our power-or lack therein-in life and love.
Beliefs are the filters through which we interpret what happens in our life. We begin to form our foundational beliefs about how life works and who we are when we are children and have little power. So you can imagine how taking beliefs formed at a time of little autonomous power into our adult years could cause some “lost in translation” issues. Meaning, we might be challenged to switch gears from having little power to leaning into our power if we are not also updating our beliefs about our power to those as an adult. Not updating our beliefs about power disables us from using our power to realize what we want in our intimate as well as our professional relationships. And this can result in feeling like a victim in our life and relationships.
Beliefs such as “I need to do what makes them happy even if it’s not what I want to do” or “If I tell the truth they will get angry and leave me” are examples of beliefs a child may form in order to stay safe with their parents. Yet, these same beliefs operating in an adult’s life can result in being dishonest in an adult relationship, even leading to feeling a need to go outside the relationship to tell the truth of what they want. I’ve had clients working to heal their marriage post an affair say as much as to why they felt unable to be honest with expressing their needs in their marriage.
Power engaged consciously is essential for crafting an adult life satisfying. When we don’t update our stories about our power from the beliefs we formed as children, we will find ourself on the outside looking in on people happy with their life. Power gets a bad rap in large part due to the default construct of power being power over others. Power engaged with our life, with our challenges, with others is power that will serve to create a life and relationships we will enjoy being in. We all have such power available to us when we choose to engage aligning our story and choices with our power as adults more and the story and choices of our power as a child, less.
In closing, to answer the questions about how I work with people, the simple answer is either in one-to-one/private sessions or in group/not so private process. There are also one-off workshops I offer both in person as well as online, but these are more an intro to a topic or process than for making progress with a goal or desired outcome. If you are interested in exploring working with me for realizing more engagement of your power for what you seek in life or a relationship, sign up for one of my no-cost Clarity Sessions. People love them and often share glorious results from simply this session!